25 Questions

Here are 25 questions to ask and answer with ur boyfriend. I dont remember where I originally got these questions, but they are good to know the answers too when you become committed to another person. I believe that this list of question was created to help a couple dig deeper and gain more insight on their views about important components of a relationship. The responses to these questions can make or break a seemingly good thing.

Remember... HONESTY IS ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY!!!

1. Kids or no kids?

2. Smoking or no smoking?3. Drinking or no drinking? (Same for drugs)

4. Religious beliefs: Match? Blend? Clash?

5. Who works? Who stays home (especially when the kids come along)?

6. Who wants to live where?

7. Who controls the checkbook?

8. What is his/her personal relationship with his/her family? Too distant? Too close? Too weird? Appropriate to your standards?

9. How are holidays spent? At home? With family? Alone? Vacationing?

10. Windows opened or closed? Heat/AC on or off?

11. What side of the bed must you (he/she) sleep on?

12. Where to spend vacations? Leisure time?

13. Sick: Left alone or babied?

14. Appropriate gift giving: birthdays? Yuletide holidays? Special occasions?

15. Who does what around the house?

16. What is acceptable hygiene?

17. What are his/her hobbies, pastimes?

18. Preferences: Music? Movie? Book favorites?

19. Favorite foods?

20. Pets or no pets? What kind?

21. Decisions about the children: School, church, discipline, allowance, extra curricular activities, friends, and curfew?

22. Mealtimes: Early or late?

23. Furniture: Vintage or Contemporary?

24. Sleeping habits: Four hours or eight?

25. How does your new love handle a crisis? Behave in public places? Treat your friends and family?

*picture curtesy http://www.bet.com/Assets/BET/Published/image/jpeg/82798225-3427-71a7-db31-4bdb194a9029-life_fb_Sexy7_WillSmith_JadaSmith.jpg

Too Independpent Part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgSpRUXH3jc


I have a theory as to why some men tend to stay away from Ms. Independent. I truly believe that it is all about control. Men need to feel that they are in charge and that they are the boss of the household/relationship. They love to be the one "in control" of things. It is a womans' job to let her man think he is running everything, though we all know that it is the woman who truly runs the ship.

As we all know, there are those women, who are submissive and allow the man control their every step and/or thought. Those women allow their man to have the only say IN EVERYTHING. Too each its own. Usually, those women are not Ms. Independent but are Ms. Too Damn Dependent. In my opinion, for men in the 18-30 age range, it is all about control. If a female has her own, then he cant control her. She doesnt need his money, his connections, his knowledge on certain "man things" (i.e. oil changes), or his ability to program all electronics to work with the push of one button.

Ms. Independent is able to handle things on her and can fend for herself. Having her own house and car means she can leave when she wants, go home when she wants, have company when she wants... She's free. Now, I am aware that there is such a thing as being too independent but I think that majority of the women who are independent are rightfully so. They've worked hard to acquire the things they have so why should they be punished by men chosing not to pursue or entertain them for that. I think their are alot of men who equate an independent woman with having too much of an opinion, or being too smart to get over on and that is why they go for those who are more "needy".

Again, these are just my thoughts and opinions- please feel free to agree or disagree. Either way, let me know what's good.

Too Independent? Or not enough Baggage?

A friend and I were conversing about the "men" in our lives. She and I are both currently getting over situations where the other half just wasn't ready to be with us. Sounds like some bull? Thats because it is! Straight up. I believe that men know whether or not they are going to be involved with someone for the long term or short, majority of the time they know after a few months-hell if not a few weeks LOL. It has been months now- and while my "situation" and I have gotten to be pretty close, it still does not seem to me that we are heading towards a committed relationship. Now, I am no Beyonce' but I aint no Chubaka either. I am a work in progress- I will cop to that. I am college educated; currently working on my Masters. I have lived on my own for the last 5 years with absoutely no financial support from my parents. I have no children, I have my own car and I work. I have a life and my own hobbies and interests. I know how to cook, I love to read and talk and can converse about a variety of topics. I love to laugh but I can be serious when I need to be. So forgive me for wondering what the hell is the problem? Do i flaunt all of these wonderful things in a potential suitors face? Absolutely.... well sometimes but I wouldnt call it flaunting. I am proud to be an independent woman. I worked my ass off to get good grades and go to college. I've had a job since I was 15 years old. I am glad that I can hold my own. My mama raised me right!

Im just saying. I dont come with any real baggage. Everyone has issues and things but I dont have a crazy baby daddy to worry about. I've never went crazy on an ex and tried to kill him and blow up his car or any of that sillyness. I dont ask men for money or only go after ballers and street dudes. I dont care about why type of car u driving or if u are rocking the latest pair of Jordans. I do have certain expectations in a partner but I believe that they are reasonable and realistic. I want someone that I can grow with and learn from. I want someone who isnt afraid to call me on my shit when I get outta hand ( I do have a bit of a tude LOL but I am cool 98% of the time). I need a man that is a real man. I want someone that I can trust and who isnt around to just get what he can out of me. Does he have to be attractive? Yes!!! And anyone who says otherwise is lying- u have to have some type of physical attraction. Does he have to be rich? NO. As long as he has goals and dreams that he is actively pursing we are all good. He does have to have a job and it wouldnt hurt if he was college educated. He must believe in GOD and be respectful. I dont think Im asking for too much and yes I am flexible but I just dont think that I should have to settle. I just want someone on the same page as me with similar beliefs and values. His character and integrity are much more important to me than if he drives a bently or a cavalier.

I'll end this post to say this. I am sick and tired of men saying they want an independent woman to only feel threatened and insecure about their place in the world and in their relationships because their woman may one up them. Its a new day! Men are trained to believe that their value is attached to their wallet/status/ability to provide; I believe that their is so much to them than that. I guess society as a whole needs to work on their views and beliefs in regards to the roles that men and women are supposed to play. You are not less of a man if ur woman makes more than you, or if she doesnt need you to pay for every meal/date. There is still a need for a man in a woman's life (and not its not just for sexual purposes :)~ ).

Inspiration is everywhere

Self explanatory right?!! Saw this over at DCtoBC- check em out... www.dctobc.com

A love letter...

Dear *you*,

I've come to realize a few things about our situation. The first being that you are your own worst enemy. Until you can recognize that things will not get any better until you change- nothing will be right in your world. It all starts with YOU!!!!! If you continue to be as you are and do the things that you always do, you will continually end up with the same results each and every single time. Its 2009- a time for CHANGE. Second, it has become quite clear to me that if you do not want to be with me by now- you do not want to be with me period. We have been at this thing here for almost 6 months now. I am ashamed that I have allowed this game go on for this long. It seems that you want all of the perks and benefits of a relationship without the committment and that shit is DEAD to me. I've had enough. So please remove yourself from my world. I am better off alone then apart of this soul draining circle we seem to be in right now.

Now do not get it twisted. I am not upset with you. I do not hate you. I have no regrets-in fact, I care very much about you and I wish that we could be together. I am just tired. Plain and simple, it is now time for me to LET IT GO and move on. You were a very special person in my life and I will always cherish the moments we had. I am glad that we had the chance to get to know one another and share so many wonderful moments together. It saddens me to see all of the potential that was there for us to have something great going to waste. I guess this is just not our time. Maybe, we've completed our couse. Who knows what the future holds for us, but for now this is my goodbye and farewell.

I Will Always Have Love For You!

*Awesome*

** Currenly Listening To:

Did You Ever Love Me- by Deborah Cox

Heartfelt conversations we had every single night,

lying in bed together,

So why would there ever be a breakdown in communication,

And I'm just wondering was that the warm and fuzzy feeling

Those good old days seem like so long ago

I thought you cared about me then, but now I don't know

Was there ever really love at all in your heart

Was there ever really love at all

Did you ever love me

I wanna go back, way back to the beginning when we could rely on each other

Oh, I felt like a goddess floating on a cloud. why'd you have to bring me down

With all this pain and disappointment, confused and bitter, brokenhearted With all the mysteries and my love memories

Those good old days seem like so long ago I thought you cared about me then,

but now I don't know

Was there ever really love at all in your heart

Was there ever really love at all

Did you ever love me

I painted this perfect picture of you and me in my head

I sacrificed my mind, body, and soul

you showed me you didn't care

Now did you ever stop and think about how you made my life a living hell

It's so hard believing that you would treat me like this

Now I'm questioning over and over

Did you ever love me? did you ever love me? Tell me baby, baby, baby, baby

Was there, was there ever really love?

Was there ever love at all?

Did you ever love me?

I need an answer cause once this problem's solved I can finally resolve and get over you

I need an answer cause once this problem's solved I can move on, oh yes Did you ever love me?

(pic curtesty of http://www.moistworks.com/images/art_heartbreak.jpg)